thelittleyu.
April 17
Fun things today.

I love, love, love hanging terrariums, or maybe just plants in general. I envision a leaning shelf in my apartment, filled with small pots of herbs (can you imagine? An endless supply of dill and basil!). Maybe a gigantic money tree (Margaux. You just wait for me to bring you home.) in the corner, and plenty of these babies hanging around all over the place.

Plants breathe so much life into the space you occupy. Now I just need two dogs and maybe a hypoallergenic kitty. 

For my girlfriends: why do you wear (or not) make-up? My daily routine consists of moisturizer and good SPF, and on days when I’m in the mood I slap on some mascara. When it’s a “special occasion” I will put on eyeliner. But that’s about it.

I have had former bosses (all female) who demanded that I wear more make-up to make myself look ‘older’ so I can be taken more seriously. I have had older male mentors tell me the same thing too, and am also bombarded with “Dress for the job you want” motto all the time (looking at you, internet.)

I’m lucky enough to work with a boss who takes me seriously the way I am; she doesn’t wear make up and is comfortable with (herself and her staff) being competent, well-adjusted, and presentable.

Screw this double standard. There’s nothing wrong with getting dressed and/or dolled up and feeling gorgeous because you just damn well want to, but it should not be a requirement to be taken seriously. 

That was an unnecessary and unplanned rant. Anyways.

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I am loving Reformation dresses these days.

 Especially this Fontaine dress. I don’t mind being “that girl,” but somehow I feel safer being “that girl” in California than in New York, probably because people are half-naked all the time back home anyways. 

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NYC folks with a coffee addiction: CUPS APP is giving away FREE COFFEE all over the city. Download their app and start buzzing!

// the. end.

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April 15

Which is why any discussion of this subject requires a major caveat. Yes, women suffer consequences for their lack of confidence—but when they do behave assertively, they may suffer a whole other set of consequences, ones that men don’t typically experience. Attitudes toward women are changing, and for the better, but a host of troubling research shows that they can still pay a heavier social and even professional penalty than men do for acting in a way that’s seen as aggressive. If a woman walks into her boss’s office with unsolicited opinions, speaks up first at meetings, or gives business advice above her pay grade, she risks being disliked or even—let’s be blunt—being labeled a bitch. The more a woman succeeds, the worse the vitriol seems to get. It’s not just her competence that’s called into question; it’s her very character.

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Who knew NYC could be so dreamy? #nyc #vscocam #whitagram #springishere
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April 14

Praising their character helped them internalize it as part of their identities. The children learned who they were from observing their own actions: I am a helpful person.

This dovetails with new research led by the psychologist Christopher J. Bryan, who finds that for moral behaviors, nouns work better than verbs. To get 3- to 6-year-olds to help with a task, rather than inviting them “to help,” it was 22 to 29 percent more effective to encourage them to “be a helper.” 

Cheating was cut in half when instead of, “Please don’t cheat,” participants were told, “Please don’t be a cheater.” When our actions become a reflection of our character, we lean more heavily toward the moral and generous choices. Over time it can become part of us.

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April 2

I would get married again just so I could put this (and only this) on the registry. 

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Giant bubbles and a joyful baby. First day of spring // Washington Square Park.
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March 18

One of the big lessons from The Science of Willpower is if you really fight the inner experiences, it’s not going to end well. If you decide you’re going to fight cravings, fight thoughts, fight emotions, you put all your energy and attention into trying to change the inner experiences. People tend to get more stuck, and more overwhelmed. When you try to control the things that aren’t really under your control, you get to feeling more out of control. Whereas where you really have the freedom is in your choices.

So, make friends with the fact that you can move towards goals that are really important to you?

Yes. Willpower is about being able to hold opposites. So I can feel the emotion, I can feel the craving, and at the very same time, I just make my awareness big enough to hold my commitment to make a different choice. Your ability to hold those opposites is what gives people willpower over time.

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After that one gorgeous, warm day filling all New Yorkers with hope, Winter stalks back in and said “Gotcha!” So rude.
Shake Shack on a frigid Friday. 
I love having a pen-pal in Korea. 
Why are dresses from The Reformation so gorgeous?
What to do if you’re falling out of love with New York. People think it’s impossible - “You’re living in NEW YORK. It’s so exciting! Things are always happening! You have SEASONS.” - but I struggle with it almost every day. 
Happy Friday y’all.
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Light at the end of this dark, dreary tunnel.
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March 9"

Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves.

This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently.

I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place.

I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place.

As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.

" — excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect From Men so Stop Telling Me That!" @ One Black Girl. Many Words.  (via fajazo)

(Source: daniellemertina, via oldfilmsflicker)

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